


Gotham High - The Group Chat

by fiveisarat



Category: Gotham (TV)
Genre: Alternate Universe - High School, Alternate Universe - No Powers, Bruce Is Pure, F/F, F/M, Flirty Victor Zsasz, Jerome is chaotic, M/M, Multi, Nobody's crazy, Pining, Pre-Laughing Toxin Jeremiah Valeska, Recreational Drug Use, Teacher-Student Relationship, What Have I Done, but not like THAT yknow, ed wants m&ms, group chat au, it's all going downhill, no canon here, oh boy, okay maybe they're a little crazy, victor f is so done with everyones shit
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-10-01
Updated: 2021-01-05
Packaged: 2021-03-07 22:02:46
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 11
Words: 9,215
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26754769
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/fiveisarat/pseuds/fiveisarat
Summary: Jerome makes a group chat. Things get incredibly out of hand incredibly quickly.(feat. drug use/references, swearing, mentions of sex, teacher/student relationships, victor z AND victor f, and jervis being weird)
Relationships: Alvarez/Victor Zsasz, Butch Gilzean/Tabitha Galavan, Edward Nygma/Victor Fries, Ivy Pepper/Bridgit Pike, Jeremiah Valeska/Bruce Wayne, Jerome Valeska/Jervis Tetch (not really), Jonathan Crane/Jervis Tetch, Nygmobblepot - Relationship, Oswald Cobblepot/Edward Nygma, Selina Kyle/Bruce Wayne, Tabitha Galavan/Barbara Kean/Leslie Thompkins
Comments: 19
Kudos: 60





	1. jail break time

**Author's Note:**

> i deeply apologize for the mess you're about to read.

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> ok so everyone involved in the chat (in order of appearance): 
> 
> 1 - jonathan crane, victor zsasz, jerome/jeremiah valeska, edward nygma, bridgit pike, and ivy pepper  
> 4 - victor fries, oswald cobblepot  
> 9 - jervis tetch, bruce wayne

_jerome has created a group chat!_

_jerome has invited victor z, ivy, ed, and bridgit to the chat!_

_jerome has changed 4 nicknames!_

baldy: i will end ur life jerome

plant lady: im in CLASS 

plant lady: if u get my phone taken i will kill u 

jerome: wow aggressive 

baldy: im coming for u valeska this is my favorite class

jerome: how about u just turn ur phone off??

baldy: how about u just stfu??

jerome: the SALT in this chat

_jerome has renamed the chat salt city!_

baldy: sTOP OH MY GOD IF U GET ME IN TROUBLE WITH MR ALVAREZ I WILL KICK U IN THE FACE 

riddle boy: youre still trying to seduce him arent you 

baldyy: its NOT SEDUCTION it is simply trying to get to know my TEACHER better ED

spicy: why is my nickname spicy

jerome: bc theyre salty 

spicy: that makes no sense

jerome: u dont make sense shh 

plant lady: victor u ask weird questions in class

spicy: damn like what

baldy: IVY IF YOU DONT

plant lady: "how do u like ur sausage mr alvarez" 

jerome: OH? 

jerome: VICTOR DO WE NEED TO HAVE THE TALK

baldy: NO

riddle boy: i put my phone down for 5 mins

spicy: thats what u get

plant lady: when u let ur heart win

spicy: whoooaaaaa

baldy: what the fuck

spicy: its culture u wouldnt get it 

baldy: i resent that

spicy: i resent u

jerome: OH OK

riddle boy: ohmygod ohmygod ohmygod

plant lady: what is it ed 

riddle boy: fuckinoswaldcobblepot sHIT

spicy: oh yeah u like him dont u

riddle boy: hsbsbBssbsb SHHHHHH BRIDGIT

plant lady: its obvious ed

baldy: yeah

jerome: yeahh

riddle boy: oh my god i will end all of u 

riddle boy: jEROME WTF

jerome: WHAT 

riddle boy: DID U RLLY HAVE TO YELL "EDDIE LIKES COCK" ACROSS THE LIBRARY

jerome: WELL HE HAD TO KNOW

riddle boy: NO HE DID NOT

jerome: THE FIRST STEP TO GETTING A BF IS SHOWING THAT UR GAY 

baldy: i have detention 

riddle boy: good for u when u get out help me kill jerome

jerome: i need backup 

_jerome invited j crane and miah to the chat!_

_jerome changed a nickname!_

construction crane: why

miah: psa i hate jerome

riddle boy: everyone hates jerome

riddle boy: but especially me

miah: damn whatd he do

riddle boy: scroll up

miah: oh

miah: oH

miah: jerome no wonder everyone hates u

jerome: *gasp* not everybody hates me!!

baldy: name one person in here that doesnt hate u gingersnap 

jerome: >:O

jerome: IVYYYY

plant lady: i hate you

jerome: well thats wonderful

jerome: BRIDGIT

spicy: i will take ur side if u change my name

jerome: fine 

_jerome changed a nickname!_

ur head on a pike: okay jerome good enough

jerome: yay!!

construction crane: wait victor y do u have detention 

baldy: um

baldy: i sorta swore like a very drunk trucker in front of principal gordon 

construction crane: oh my god

jerome: GORDON oh my god youre gonna die

miah: VICTOR

riddle boy: wHAT

plant lady: VICTOR

miah: I JUST SAID THAT IVY

plant lady: I SAY WHAT I WANT JEROMIAH 

ur head on a pike: ...

miah: did u just

jerome: >:D

miah: jerome no

_jerome has changed a nickname!_

jeromiah: i hate you ivy and i hate you jerome 

baldy: CAN WE FOCUS PLS

baldy: I SAID LIKE FIVE SWEARS IN A ROW 

riddle boy: i'm 95% sure gordon is going to call a mental hospital on u at some point victor

baldy: HES LOOKING AT ME ALL DISAPPOINTED LIKE

jerome: yall i know what we have to do

construction crane: oh no what

jerome: jail break

plant lady: u know what i second that

riddle boy: oh my god

baldy: yes PLS come get me out of this hellhole 

baldy: the wallpaper is visually offensive 

riddle boy: u wouldnt know the first thing about style if it bit u in the ass 

baldy: at least i GET ass eddie dont talk to me

ur head on a pike: oOH 

plant lady: jerome when we doin this

jerome: how about rn 

ur head on a pike: aight im in

construction crane: do not do this im begging u

jeromiah: i will watch from afar 

jerome: jail break time lets go


	2. plants in the vents

jeromiah: JEROME WTF

baldy: OH MY GOD

construction crane: in this confusion i will change poor bridgits name

_construction crane changed a nickname!_

plant lady: JEROME JUST KICKED THE DOOR OFF ITS HINGES

jeromiah: OH MY GOD BRIDGIT NO

jeromiah: SHES STANDING ON GORDONS DESK AND IS YELLING INSPASNIH

jerome: care to repeat that brother

jeromiah: no 

baldy: GET OFF THE TABLE BRIDHETG 

bridgit: IM BREAKING U OUT BE GRATFEUL

baldy: IVY JUST THREW A PLANT AT GORDON

baldy: BUT HE DUCKED 

plant lady: IM RUNNING OMG

bridgit: ILL HELP U 

baldy: JAIL BREAK

jerome: JAIL BREAK 

jerome: i got vic to teach me the ussr anthem remember

baldy: yes...

jerome: wait for it

plant lady: hes singing it v loudly on top of a table

plant lady: in mr alvarezs class

baldy: JEORMEO 

jeromiah: hAHA

baldy: GET THE FUCK OUT OF THERE 

jerome: NO

baldy: FINE IM COMIGN TO GET U

jeromiah: IM RECORDING IT

bridgit: HE LIFTED JEROME OFF THE TABLE AND CARRIED HIM OUT LMAOOO

plant lady: ALVAREZ LOOKS SO CONFUSED 

bridgit: SORRY BOO 

jeromiah: DID U RLLY HAVE TO SHOUT THAT THO

jerome: it was necessary, good job bridgit

bridgit: thamk u jeomre

baldy: i hate u next time dont break me out just let me rot

riddle boy: well that was a spectacle 

construction crane: right

jeromiah: u didnt even participate stfu 

construction crane: neither did you bitchass dont talk to me

jerome: OH??

bridgit: damn j crane got testy 

plant lady: i have alvarez next period im so dead

baldy: dont embarrass me

plant lady: ill try not to 

riddle boy: why am i affiliated with any of u 

jerome: ooh big words 

jeromiah: u cant read illiterate

bridgit: ivy do u need a jail break too 

plant lady: pLS do not 

baldy: u were involved the first time ivy

plant lady: i would not like a repeat the hallway looks like a bomb went off

riddle boy: I JUST SLIPED{PE

baldy: what 

riddle boy: tHEERE IS DIRT ON THE FLORO INTH E HALLWAY

riddle boy: I SPILELD MY APPALESUACE 

construction crane: excuse you what

jerome: ill come lick it off u bby ;))

riddle boy: do fucking not 

jeromiah: well now we all have detention

baldy: do i at least get off i already paid in emotional trauma after this

bridgit: oh u can get off alright

baldy: n0

construction crane: hey HEY JEREMIAH JEROME STOP FIGHTING MR BULLOCKS COMING THIS WAY 

jeromiah: oh fuck jerome let go of my hair

jerome: fine 

jeromiah: yeah we all have detention 

plant lady: they havent caought me yet

plant lady: so i do not have detention 

bridgit: r u in the courtyard

plant lady: ... 

plant lady: i might b

baldy: DID BULLOCK SAY I DONT HAVE DETENTION ANYMORE

jeromiah: no u still do 

jerome: wait whos on detention duty 

baldy: ...

bridgit: lemme look

bridgit: alvarez shit 

jeromiah: WHY 

baldy: oh my god wtf

plant lady: we basically traumatized him 

baldy: YALL basically traumatized him that was NOT ME 

jerome: HEY NOW we were trying to hELP u

baldy: WELL SEE HOW WELL THAT TURNED OUT

construction crane: ill wave at u guys from the window

jerome: we love to see supportive friends

bridgit: okay so apparently im not supposed to climb on desks and shout so i have detention too

bridgit: wait ivy theyre asking me abt u

plant lady: im in the vents do not tell them

baldy: bridgit if u dont make her suffer with us 

plant lady: NO DO NOT 

baldy: BRIDGIT

bridgit: ...

jeromiah: i told them dont worry

plant lady: WHAT JEREMIAH

jeromiah: JUST BC YOURE GIRLFRIENDS DOESNT MEAN U GET OUT OF SHIT

plant lady: IM TELLING THEM U LET THIS HAPPEN AND U KNEW ABT IT

jeromiah: iVY 

plant lady: they wont b able to follow me inside i put plants in the vents 

construction crane: that could b dangerous for ventilation n shit

plant lady: yeah shoulda thought abt that before u exposed me jeremiah 

riddle boy: you are all human disasters

baldy: im not a human im a god among men 

riddle boy: ur a fucking idiot is what u r


	3. legiti aamte: the anime

jeromiah: well yall i hope ur hapy

jeromiah: u have gotten both urselves and me in detention 

jeromiah: i legit didnt do shit

baldy: hey shut up you orange you recorded shit

bridgit: orange nice

jerome: i think this is the perfect opportunity to cause more chaos

plant lady: i'll kill jeremiah is that enough chaos for u

jerome: as much craziness as that would provoke 

riddle boy: dont even yall 

construction crane: u want more detention?? causing more chaos will just get u detention 

jerome: big words mr crane

jerome: hang on 

_jerome changed a nickname!_

orange: jEROME !

jerome: why yes dear brother? 

baldy: shut up alvarez is here be good (esp u jerome) 

jerome: yes daddy ;p 

baldy: i take that back ill throw u out a window and then be good 

plant lady: he looks rlly nervous

bridgit: id be nervous if i was doing detention with us 

orange: VI C TO R

baldy: WHAT IT WAS A LEGIT QUESTION 

orange: "WHAT R U IN FOR MR ALVAREZ" IS NOT A LEGITI AAMTE QUESTION 

jerome: legiti aamte sounds like an anime name 

plant lady: when i tell you i snorted

bridgit: i know ivy we heard it

_jerome changed the name of the chat to **legiti aamte: the anime**_

plant lady: :0 

jerome: *snORT*

orange: OH MY GOD JEROME STOP MAKING UNNECESSARY NOISES 

jerome: NO

baldy: i hate all of u

riddle boy: i see its going well in there

baldy: its a nightmare i hate them 

jerome: aight imma head out its boring

orange: JEROME GET BACK IN HERE 

plant lady: HE JUST WALKED OUT?? 

bridgit: im dead JEROME COME BACK 

jerome: NO

jerome: SCHOOL IS A PRISON 

baldy: bro alvarez is comin to get u

plant lady: wait this means we can leave 

baldy: no it does not- 

plant lady: yes it DOES 

bridgit: ivy no 

plant lady: ivy yes

orange: STOP WALKING OUT 

baldy: jerome has been suspiciously silent

baldy: jerome come back ur brother looks like hes boutta have an anyourism 

orange: what the fuck is an anyourism 

orange: also NO I DO NOT

riddle boy: aneurysm, a busted blood vessel in the brain 

orange: shut up nerd ur not even here 

construction crane: just bc ur blood vessel is broken dont give u the right to b salty jeremiah 

orange: IT DOES

bridgit: i thought u didnt have an anyoorim 

orange: I DONT HAVE AN ANEUEYMS 

baldy: okay fuck detention im out too 

baldy: JEROME 

plant lady: THANK u for agreeing w me

_baldy changed a nickname!_

baldy: u r now aneueyms 

aneueyms: this is abuse 

aneueyms: VICTOR AND IVY GET THE FUCK BACK IN HERE

baldy: NO 

plant lady: HOW ABT U GO DRINK A TALL GLASS OF SHUT THE HELL UP MIAH UR GONNA GET US CAUGHT 

jerome: I HAVE RETURNED TO SAVE U

baldy: JAIL BREAK THE REMIX 

bridgit: WHERES ALVAREZ IF WERE DITCHING WE DO IT RIGHT 

plant lady: we are not knocking him out bridgit

baldy: no we are fucking not is he near us or nah 

bridgit: NO I MEAN WHERE IS HE

baldy: I ODNT KNOW 

jerome: THERE 

baldy: RUN 

bridgit: SCATTER HE CANT CATCH ALL OF US

aneueyms: YOURE SO DUMB IM COMING 

construction crane: well the only smart one of u guys is done for bye 

baldy: shut up crane 

plant lady: VIC RUN FASTER ALVAREZS GOING AFTER U 

baldy: SHIT 

baldy: AS MUCH AS I WANT HIM TO TELL ME IVE BEEN BAD THESE ARE NOT THE CONDITIONS I WANTED THAT TO B UNDER 

jerome: kinky 

baldy: i am

bridgit: jeremiah catch UP U CANT RUN FOR SHIT

aneueyms: SHUT UP BRIDGIT YOU FUCK

plant lady: VICTOR DID HE GET U

jerome: oh no

bridgit: bro i bet he got caught 

aneueyms: IM GOING BACK FOR HIM 

plant lady: jeremiah no save urself!! 

aneueyms: i havent done anything i can afford it

aneueyms: VICTOR 

jerome: TEAM LETS DOUBLE BACK 

plant lady: THIS IS SUCH A BAD IDEA IM IN

bridgit: if theyre making out im gonna leap out a window

aneueyms: ew not the time

bridgit: its a likely possibility 

baldy: IM BACK 

jerome: WE WERE COMING BACK FOR U

aneueyms: WHERED U GO

baldy: HE CAUGHT ME FOR LIKE A SECOND BUT I SAID ID MAKE OUT WITH HIM IF HE LET ME GO AND HE WENT ALL :0 AND I RAN 

aneueyms: getoutgetoutgetOUT!! 

jerome: WERE FREE 

bridgit: that was exhilirating 

riddle boy: exhilarating 

baldy: shut up ed u werent even here 

construction crane: ok ok lets chill for a sec

construction crane: where r u guys now 

plant lady: outside my house

construction crane: cool 

riddle boy: u know alvarez will tell gordon and then ur gonna b in even more trouble? 

baldy: that is a risk im willing to take

riddle boy: a risk?? its a fucking cERTainty 

jerome: dont worRY about it eddie my boy 

jerome: o wait, we gotta change names its getting too calm 

_jerome changed five nicknames!_

zsasztastic: i can work with this

jonny: at least im not a construction vehicle anymore 

eddie: cool, sure

firefly: why jerome? 

jerome: bc i just saw a firefly n thought of u :)

firefly: aw

jerome: nvm it was a beetle 

firefly: aW

jerome: can bettles fly

jerome: miah can bettels fly

_orange changed two nicknames!_

MIAH: get fucked jerome

gingersnap: ...

gingersnap: actually this isnt that bad

firefly: ha jeremiah 

zsasztastic: well that backfired didnt it

MIAH: shut up u cant even get alvarez to break the law to sleep w u

zsasztastic: ur in unrequited (tm) for bruce wayne 

MIAH: bitch.

zsasztastic: u come at me i come right back at u

gingersnap: come ;))

poison ivy: not my virgin eARS jeroME

jonny: oh plEASe we all know u and bridgit get it on u aint a virgin

poison ivy: but YOU r jonathan u hypocrite

MIAH: oooooh 

zsasztastic: damn jonny r u gonna take that

jonny: dont call me jonny

zsasztastic: it is literally ur name 

_jonny changed a nickname!_

jonathan: back to usual

gingersnap: ur no fun crane 

MIAH: anyway jerome u spelled beetles wrong both times

MIAH: in different ways

MIAH: and not all beetles can fly but some can

gingersnap: epic

poison ivy: very nice miah thamk 

jonathan: if it means that much to u ivy ill get it on w somebody

zsasztastic: OH?? 

gingersnap: with who jonny boy speak

jonathan: this is what u get for being pricks !


	4. victor fries listen here u cunk

firefly: ok i havent heard from jonathan since last night 

eddie: he wasnt kidding was he

firefly: about fucking someone tonight? prob not

poison ivy: oh shit 

zsasztastic: well its saturday at least we dont have school

gingersnap: facts i think we might b suspended 

MIAH: and ur baby daddy alvarez probably hates us lol 

zsasztastic: what makes u think he tops??

MIAH: the same thoughts that make me think u bottom 

zsasztastic: i am NOT a bottom u fuck take it back >:( 

gingersnap: well now i wish we had school so vic could prove it 

firefly: CAN WE FOCUS PLS

firefly: jonathan isnt answering his phone or anything

eddie: well who could he be with? 

MIAH: were like his only friends and none of us have him

MIAH: d o w e ? 

zsasztastic: no jfc 

poison ivy: there was a party last night now that i think abt it

firefly: where?

poison ivy: the other victors

zsasztastic: fries? hes a chill guy

zsasztastic: either a genuinely nice person/patient or just on a lot of weed all the time 

eddie: seems legit 

firefly: well then hes our man 

_firefly has invited victor f to the chat!_

victor f: um what is this 

zsasztastic: aight wheres jonathan

victor f: who?

poison ivy: jonathan crane 

firefly: he went to ur party last night n hasnt been answering our calls 

MIAH: said he wanted to get dicked down 

victor f: jonathan crane, yeah he went home with jervis 

zsasztastic: fucking who 

victor f: jervis tetch

poison ivy: alice's brother?

victor f: yeah the one who carries a stopwatch in his jacket all the time 

gingersnap: oh JERVIS 

firefly: u know jervis? 

gingersnap: we get a lil fucked up together sometimes 

gingersnap: in more ways than one ;))

eddie: ooooh kay anyway where does he live

gingersnap: JAILBREAK

zsasztastic: NO 

victor f: jailbreak? yall good? 

zsasztastic: NO

poison ivy: NO

firefly: NO

eddie: NO

MIAH: NO 

victor f: damn ok 

zsasztastic: the last time jerome staged a jailbreak it ended in me promising to make out w my math teacher, ivy putting plants in the vents, bridgit yelling on desks and jeremiah freaking out during detention 

eddie: jonathan and i were not involved 

victor f: oh yall are the ones who caused that mess yesterday?

gingersnap: yes

MIAH: sadly 

victor f: yo gordon looked like he was boutta blow a gasket 

firefly: we're prob expelled

poison ivy: *suspended lets b optimistic

zsasztastic: what do we have to be optimistic abt ivy 

poison ivy: hey not my fault everybody else traumatized ur teacher crush 

zsasztastic: hey hEY sHHHHHH 

victor f: zsasz

victor f: wait ur the kid who flirts w mr alvarez the period before mine

zsasztastic: yes 

zsasztastic: i see youve heard of my work 

victor f: yeah mr alvarez uses ur homework for examples in class a lot 

zsasztastic: !!!

MIAH: hol up good or bad example 

victor f: good usually 

victor f: there was that one time where he put the answer and then "simplified" it to his phone number 

firefly: SDBSHBDSJ VICTOR 

zsasztastic: IT WAS SLICK 

firefly: YOU DOG 

poison ivy: im CACKLING 

eddie: oh my god

zsasztastic: hey at least i have the balls to go get my man ED

eddie: im offended bitch take it back

zsasztastic: SPOT THE LIE 

victor f: ed nygma? riddle guy?

gingersnap: THAT WOULD BE HIM

victor f: HA

eddie: um what 

victor f: nothing nothing i promised not to say anything 

eddie: victor fries listen here you cunk 

zsasztastic: CUNK

gingersnap: CUNK HA

victor f: look fine if i cant tell u ill make him tell u 

_victor f has invited penguin to the chat!_

penguin: victor i thought i blocked you 

MIAH: would u mind explaining victor my son 

zsasztastic: victor is daddy excuse u 

gingersnap: kinky

_firefly has changed a nickname!_

daddy: thanks bridgit

firefly: ur welc <3 

zsasztastic: whOa there dont come on to my man sis

poison ivy: thought alvarez was ur man vic 

penguin: victor explain

zsasztastic: no

penguin: not u smh 

daddy: um can we get names pls 

zsasztastic: fuCK fine, victor z

poison ivy: ivy 

firefly: bridgit

MIAH: jeremiah

gingersnap: jerome

eddie: edward 

MIAH: that it?

firefly: i think so

zsasztastic: oh and jonathan is jonathan crane 

jonathan: whatd i miss

firefly: JONATHAN

zsasztastic: JONATHAN

gingersnap: JONNY

poison ivy: where tf have u been??

jonathan: getting laid why

daddy: um hi 

jonathan: u added more ppl ok who we got now

penguin: oswald

daddy: victor f

zsasztastic: read back 

jonathan: oh ok

jonathan: yeah it was jervis 

firefly: DETAILS my good sir

poison ivy: no need to tell us who bottomed 

MIAH: obvs 

eddie: anyway why were u ignoring bridgits calls

jonathan: phone turned off ;-;

zsasztastic: didnt want us to interrupt ur dicking down i see 

jonathan: close ur mouth forever

MIAH: well how would he suck off mr alvarez if he closes his mouth forever 

zsasztastic: facts 

penguin: zsasz like victor zsasz? like the guy that wrote his phone number on alvarezs math test?

zsasztastic: well ig that is my reputation now 

zsasztastic: the guy who wrote his number on alvarezs test

daddy: it was actually rlly funny he put it on the projector and u wrote "1/2 = 2/4 (btw here are a couple other numbers u might wanna check out)" and then ur number

penguin: he turned bright red it was hilarious 

zsasztastic: whatd he say??

daddy: oh he just said "lets move on" and moved ur paper down so we couldnt see it

zsasztastic: oh we will b having a convo abt that on monday >:)

MIAH: assuming we arent all expelled

eddie: wait wait no "suspended" we gotta b optimistic 

poison ivy: ofc


	5. there go our problems with child snatchers

MIAH: JEROME IF U DONT SHUT THE FUCK UP

gingersnap: wow r00d 

MIAH: UR RUDE UR BLASTING THAT WEIRD SONG IN UR ROOM 

MIAH: IT IS THREE AM

gingersnap: the best time to play it

eddie: wait what song?? 

gingersnap: tonight tonight by hot chelle rae 

eddie: that slaps

gingersnap: see eds on my side

penguin: it does not slap ew

gingersnap: wow another person being r00d 

penguin: im not rude im right sh

zsasztastic: oh my goDDD shut UP ALL OF YOU 

gingersnap: I WOKE UP WITH A STRANGE TATTOO

MIAH: WHY IS IT ON REPEAT

eddie: NOT SURE HOW I GOT IT 

gingersnap: NOT A DOLLAR IN MY POCKET

MIAH: cause ur broke as a joke smh 

eddie: AND IT KINDA LOOKS JUST LIKE YOU

gingersnap: MIXED WITH ZACH GALIFIANAKIS

MIAH: so u cant spell beetle but u can spell that monstrosity of a name 

gingersnap: dont disrespect my man galifianakis 

MIAH: spell beetle

gingersnap: no

MIAH: spell beetle jerome 

gingersnap: ...

gingersnap: betle 

MIAH: i have been proven right AGAIN 

_eddie has renamed the chat **hot chelle rae time**!_

zsasztastic: stop TALKING

eddie: turn off your PHONE

zsasztastic: NO 

firefly: ugh why r u talking 

jonathan: well now all of us are up

jonathan: wait wheres ivy and daddy victor 

zsasztastic: im up

eddie: not u ur a bottom 

penguin: OH??

daddy: ive been summoned 

jonathan: yay daddy victor :)) 

penguin: you are all so very odd 

poison ivy: i have awakened 

zsasztastic: speaking of bottoms jonathan wheres jervis 

jonathan: idfk

zsasztastic: u dont know where ur bOYFRIEND IS jonny i am ashamed

jonathan: hes not my boyfriend we r not dating

poison ivy: bridgit u owe me 12 dollars

jonathan: U BET ON THIS?

firefly: goddammit

zsasztastic: yes they did 

zsasztastic: actually u know what we shld bet on other couples in the chat

poison ivy: no 

zsasztastic: ur just worried ill bet on u w somebody else dont worry i believe in brivy 

penguin: fucking what 

zsasztastic: brivy 

zsasztastic: brivy squad 

gingersnap: brivy squad 

_gingersnap has renamed the chat **brivy squad**! _

zsasztastic: anyway im putting money on pengy and my boy eddie 

eddie: what 

MIAH: actually u know what yeah 

MIAH: but i cannot bet as i have no money

gingersnap: whos broke as a joke NOW jeremiah 

MIAH: shut up 

zsasztastic: u can bet with m&ms 

MIAH: i have those

firefly: this is dumb but sure penguin and ed i see it

penguin: excuse me

MIAH: ur excused 

jonathan: count me in 

zsasztastic: ok who hasnt bet yet 

zsasztastic: winner gets all the money and m&ms 

firefly: well what if were all right and they date

gingersnap: well then we fight for it

poison ivy: or we could... idk... split it reasonably

gingersnap: ur no fun ivy 

daddy: ivys right if we all bet on them we all get some 

gingersnap: FINE 

penguin: what on earth makes u think u would b right 

eddie: srsly guys come on

zsasztastic: dont make me tell them

eddie: :0

eddie: u wouldnt 

zsasztastic: try me edward 

jonathan: oh yeah the newcomers dont know 

gingersnap: they have to prove their loyalty to become squad members

zsasztastic: brivy squad?

gingersnap: brivy squad 

gingersnap: well jeremiah im pausing my hot chelle rae 

MIAH: oh thank god 

MIAH: r u finally going to sleep 

gingersnap: NO sleep is for the weak 

gingersnap: im going to 7-11 

zsasztastic: bet im in 

poison ivy: guys guys do not go to 7-11 at 3 am 

zsasztastic: au contraire 

gingersnap: this is the best time to go to 7-11 who else is coming

daddy: this is a bad idea

eddie: sure ill come 

penguin: ed no 

penguin: sleep 

penguin: be reasonable 

jonathan: well if eds going im going

firefly: actually sure why not

penguin: if u get nabbed by kid stealers dont say i didnt warn u

MIAH: who tf would steal them tho

gingersnap: :0

MIAH: shut up jerome u know its true u would annoy them to death and theyd return u

zsasztastic: and me

firefly: and ed would annoy them with riddles

eddie: facts 

gingersnap: so there goes our problem with child snatchers

penguin: not the point just shut up and go if ur going 

jonathan: eddie im outside ur house 

eddie: going out the window see yall on the flip side

daddy: dont fall ed 

eddie: i wont 

zsasztastic: jerome why r u standing in my bushes

gingersnap: they r nice bushes

gingersnap: a+ top tier

zsasztastic: theyre dead 

MIAH: oof 

poison ivy: bridgit bring me a slushieeee

firefly: ok 

zsasztastic: aw look love

MIAH: something no one feels for u

zsasztastic: THAT WAS HARSH

gingersnap: I LOVE VICTOR 

gingersnap: BOTH THE VICTORS

gingersnap: wheres daddy victor 

daddy: im here

gingersnap: good thing boo ;) 

firefly: if ur done being weird jerome im here 

MIAH: look u interrupted my sleep ok

zsasztastic: THAT WAS JEROME 

gingersnap: facts

jonathan: ed and i r here 

eddie: i want m&ms 

zsasztastic: u could have some if u bet with us ;)) 

eddie: ew no im not betting on my own self 

penguin: ed did you get down from your window 

eddie: yes im on the ground w jonathan 

penguin: good now shut up im going back to sleep 

MIAH: good luck 


	6. nygmobblefries

eddie: THEY HAVE M&MS OH MY GOD

jonathan: literally every 7-11 has m&ms my guy

eddie: want

gingersnap: zsaszsaszsasz slushie 

zsasztastic: blue

gingersnap: red :0 how dare u 

zsasztastic: nobody fucking likes cherry it tastes like tylenol 

firefly: facts

gingersnap: taking his side i see bridgit

firefly: hes not wrong

zsasztastic: fucking EXACTLY jerOME

gingersnap: ur not squad fam 

_gingersnap has removed zsasztastic from **brivy squad**! _

poison ivy: hey hEY be nice jerome

_poison ivy has invited zsasztastic to the chat!_

zsasztastic: thank u ivy n fuck u jerome

gingersnap: eat my ass 

zsasztastic: no 

eddie: he doesn't give he gets

zsasztastic: wtf r u talking about 

jonathan: hes saying ur a bottom

zsasztastic: OKAY SO NOWS A GOOD TIME TO REMIND U THAT U R BOTH BOTTOMS 

eddie: AT LEAST I DONT PRETEND TO BE A TOP 

daddy: girls dont fight ur both pretty 

zsasztastic: im prettier 

jonathan: wrong bitch im prettier

gingersnap: lets b reasonable im the real hot shit here 

penguin: no ur not

daddy: well damn 

firefly: oh vic z remember the bet?

zsasztastic: you bet 

firefly: im adding ten bucks 

eddie: wHAT

poison ivy: ooooooh 

MIAH: im putting in more m&ms now 

penguin: why 

gingersnap: the chemistry 

gingersnap: *fans self* 

zsasztastic: fuck yeah 

daddy: okay im going over there i dont trust any of u

jonathan: :0

daddy: maybe you jonathan 

penguin: he slept with jervis 

daddy: true 

jonathan: >:0 

jonathan: ill have u know hes good in bed

MIAH: ok thank u tmi 

jonathan: i didnt even tell u shit 

MIAH: yeah but still 

daddy: ed does not have a jacket

eddie: iTS NOT COLD IM NOT COLD 

daddy: u r literally shivering go inside

eddie: m&ms 

daddy: fine ill get ur m&ms if u GO INSIDE so u dont FREEZE 

gingersnap: sugar daddy >:) 

zsasztastic: i want one

gingersnap: we all do

firefly: facts

_firefly renamed the chat **bottom bitch squad**!_

gingersnap: yeah im cool w this

eddie: so zsasz ur admitting ur a bottom 

zsasztastic: i am SUPPORTIVE of my BOTTOM FRIENDS

penguin: bottom

zsasztastic: get the fuck out 

_zsasztastic has removed penguin from **bottom bitch squad**!_

eddie: hEy

_eddie has invited penguin to the chat!_

penguin: thank u ed

eddie: ur welcome 

gingersnap: aw

penguin: no

firefly: well damn u shut that shit down

poison ivy: SLUSHIE BIRDGIT

firefly: spell my name right and u get one 

poison ivy: bridgite 

firefly: u r pushing it girlfriend

gingersnap: aw theyre girlfriends <3

firefly: shut up jerome

poison ivy: bridgiTTTTT pls

firefly: fine 

eddie: M&MS THANK U VIC F IM LOV U

daddy: ur welcome ed

gingersnap: TIME TO GO

zsasztastic: what did u do 

zsasztastic: OH MY GOD

penguin: jerome u fuckass what did u do

zsasztastic: TRIED BUYING BEER AND WHEN THE GUY SAID HE WAS TOO YOUNG HE JUST TOOK OFF WITH THE WHOLE ASS CASE

gingersnap: RUN

firefly: i hate jerome 

eddie: WHY IS THE GUY COMING AFTER ME I DIDNT DO ANYTHING

daddy: ILL DISTRACT HIM

firefly: STOP SHOUTING IDIOTS YOULL WAKE UP THE WHOLE STREET 

eddie: I TRIPPED

zsasztastic: WHY DOES EVERYTHING END IN JEROME CAUSING PROBLEMS AND US RUNNING FROM AUTHORITY FIGURES

gingersnap: let me LIVE

MIAH: im gonna beat jerome when he gets back

gingersnap: IF i get back bitch im running to mexico 

daddy: ed do u need help

eddie: YES I ALMOST DROPPED MY M&MS

daddy: ok

zsasztastic: hes carrying ed

firefly: ok new betting pool victor f and ed 

MIAH: nygmobblepot is otp 

poison ivy: what

MIAH: nygmobblepot come on

MIAH: nygma 

MIAH: cobblepot 

gingersnap: ooh eddie its a love triangle

penguin: no it is not

zsasztastic: it could b a threesome

daddy: um

zsasztastic: nygmobblefries 

eddie: can u all stop shipping me w ppl 

gingersnap: no

firefly: ivy i have ur slushie

poison ivy: blue?

firefly: blue

poison ivy: yay :) 

MIAH: did u get away from the guy

gingersnap: yeah >:) i have a 6 pack now

zsasztastic: share that shit jerome

gingersnap: ofc ill share w my buddy 

zsasztastic: yay

MIAH: betting pool on victor z and jerome

gingersnap: not a bad idea ;))

zsasztastic: you know what sure

penguin: oh my god everyone shut up

zsasztastic: tomorrows sunday my good sir u have nothing going on

penguin: u dont know that

daddy: no but i do

eddie: thank u for carrying me :)

daddy: ur welcome :) 

firefly: aw

gingersnap: ship 

zsasztastic: aight jj wheres my beer at

gingersnap: catch 

zsasztastic: OW

MIAH: oh boy

zsasztastic: HE THREW THE BOTTLE AND IT HIT ME IN THE ARM

zsasztastic: SO NOT ONLY IS JEROME MEAN BUT HE CANTAIM FORASH ITS

gingersnap: love u too bby <3

zsasztastic: no 


	7. vicky z & jerry v: partners in crime

eddie: get UP

eddie: get up get up get up get UP 

firefly: so not only did i get no sleep saturday night but i will get no sleep today thanks ed

eddie: i felt the need

gingersnap: the need for speed 

zsasztastic: whats this about speed

poison ivy: victor no

daddy: victor no

penguin: i hate you go back to bed

gingersnap: well good MORNING sunshine

MIAH: hes not the only one

gingersnap: oh sh jeremiah ur a dip 

jonathan: just so yall are aware i hid at the 7-11 and had jervis pick me up lol

firefly: OH??

eddie: i knew i forgot something 

zsasztastic: and ur at his place JONATHAN u THOT

jonathan: i am not a th0t 

poison ivy: spill bitch what happened

jonathan: ...

MIAH: they fucked 

zsasztastic: they fucked OFC they fucked 

gingersnap: rawr

penguin: i cordially invite u to never speak again 

MIAH: i second that

jonathan: WE CUDDLED OKAY

jonathan: WE CUDDLED AND WE WATCHED NETFLIX AND TALKED ABOUT HOW STUPID YALL ARE 

firefly: oh shit guys its even worse than we thought

daddy: yeah theyre doing shady couple shit

jonathan: how tf is that shady

eddie: bc we r lonely and how r u getting more intimacy and affection than us 

eddie: it is *not my fault im emotionally stunted

zsasztastic: facts 

penguin: actually yeah true 

MIAH: i too would like cuddles

gingersnap: wtf whenever i try to hug u u slap me

MIAH: bc that usually ends w u putting GUM in my HAIR

firefly: damn jerome playin dirty 

gingersnap: oh im dirty alright ;)) 

daddy: no 

poison ivy: bridgit come cuddle meeee

firefly: ok 

eddie: werent u jUST on abt how u wanted to sleep 

firefly: yeah but now i can sleep with ivy 

gingersnap: OH?? 

firefly: NO 

jonathan: NOW whos doing shady couple shit

zsasztastic: no its just u hon ;)

MIAH: dont worry u guys hes just jealous cause alvarez wont cuddle him 

zsasztastic: my little gay heart miah ;-; </3

gingersnap: VICTOR

zsasztastic: yes

daddy: hi

gingersnap: i meant victor z but whatever u come too fries

daddy: um come where

gingersnap: i may or may not have found alvarezs neighborhood

penguin: u fucking what

firefly: i am legit begging u do not go there

poison ivy: wait u know his neighborhood do u have his address

MIAH: no he does not 

MIAH: legit just a street 

jonathan: bro if u go over there u will have to knock on every mf door to find which ones his

gingersnap: OR we just sit in some bushes and wait for him to come out easy 

daddy: this is a bad idea

eddie: yeah it rlly is 

penguin: zsasz dont do it

zsasztastic: ...

_zsasztastic renamed the chat to **celery stalks at midnight**!_

penguin: that is literally the opposite of what i said 

gingersnap: dont ruin the fun cobbpleot

penguin: excuse u 

poison ivy: jerome how r u in high school i stg u shld be back in kindergarten 

gingersnap: :0

gingersnap: i am shocked that u would think such a thing 

eddie: its not far off

jonathan: true facts

firefly: okay BACK TO stalking mr alvarez

firefly: do not do it

gingersnap: come onnn

zsasztastic: whats the worst that could happen 

daddy: you get fucking arrested

MIAH: for STALKING

gingersnap: we need to get my man vicky z to his mans

zsasztastic: that is amazing

_zsasztastic changed their nickname!_

vicky z: this is fantastic

gingersnap: ah yes i shall change mine as well

_gingersnap changed their nickname!_

jerry v: aight 

jonathan: ur nuts but ok

jerry v: i like nuts ;ppp

penguin: ew

jerry v: hey dont step to me pengy 

penguin: call me pengy again and i claw ur eyes out

vicky z: whoa whoa aggressive

vicky z: btw why do ppl call u penguin anyway

penguin: have u seen how i walk victor

vicky z: not rlly the whole time ed was pointing u out and gushing abt u i wasnt paying attention so 

eddie: UM???

jerry v: its time for a distraction

penguin: um what

MIAH: jerome no

_jerry v has changed 1 nickname!_

jermy v: i hate everything

jerry v: im not DONE that wasnt the distraction 

daddy: oh no 

jerry v: i knocked on the first door on alvarezs street and this spanish lady hit me with a ladle 

jermy v: serves u fucking right dumbass come home 

firefly: no no this is entertaining 

poison ivy: wow bridgit left me

firefly: well darling if it was ur choice between watching jerome get beaten with a ladle at 5 am or blankets

firefly: oh wait thats a hard choice

poison ivy: :(

jonathan: aw look theyre being cute again

vicky z: the cutest here is obvs nygmobblepot 

penguin: cut that shit oUT 

jerry v: oooooh 

jerry v: i knocked on another and no answer 

jonathan: u r literally working smarter not harder idiot

jerry v: how could u

jonathan: just wait until he comes out

jerry v: u have a point

jerry v: but what if he doesnt

eddie: well then ur shit outta luck 

vicky z: alright jerome im here

jerry v: epic

_jerry v sent a picture to the chat!_

firefly: is that

eddie: it is

jonathan: victor wearing a skirt

jonathan: and holding a hello kitty backpack 

penguin: u look like an egirl 

poison ivy: its kinda cute ngl 

vicky z: u bet ur ass

penguin: ur rlly gonna show up at alvarezs house with a hello kitty backpack 

vicky z: its called style and u wouldnt know it if it bit u on the ass 

penguin: fucking excuse me

vicky z: u keep asking to be excused u r excuseD 

eddie: shh jerome whats happening 

jerry v: no luck yet

vicky z: wait is that his car?? 

_vicky z sent a picture to the chat!_

eddie: oh my god he has alvarezs license plate

jonathan: oh shit 

firefly: do not keep that picture

vicky z: i do what i want 

jerry v: LAST HOUSE

vicky z: oh fuck its HAPPENING

daddy: your inevitable jail time yeah thats happening

jerry v: shh im knocking 


	8. do u like bald egirls

vicky z: BRO HE OPENED THE DOOR JEROME RUN

jerry v: I THOUGHT WE WERE INTHIS TOGETGER

vicky z: NO NO WE ARE NOT OH <YGO KD

eddie: ur so dumb

firefly: DO U NEED REINFORCEMENTS 

poison ivy: nooo birdigttt

jerry v: DESPERATELY

vicky z: NO

firefly: IM COMING

MIAH: thats what she said lol

firefly: die in a fire

jonathan: ill go eddie r u coming

eddie: yeah sure come on squad

penguin: no

poison ivy: how could this get any worse im coming

MIAH: i just wanna watch jerome crash and burn at this lol

daddy: u know what ill go to make sure he doesnt call the cops on yall 

jerry v: we appreciate ur service daddy victor 

vicky z: jEROME WHY 

jerry v: WHAT ALL I SAID WAS DO U LIKE BALD EGIRLS 

firefly: oh my god never speak again

eddie: IM HERE 

jonathan: HE TACKLED JEROME OH MY GOD 

daddy: ohhhhhh no

firefly: eD NO

poison ivy: these flowers are dying tf 

firefly: do not take those mf flowers ivy i stg

vicky z: i hate u all sm 

MIAH: IVY TOOK THE PLANTS AND RAN 

daddy: IVY 

poison ivy: NO THEYRE DYING 

eddie: THEYLL DIE BEFORE U GET THEM HOME

jerry v: get off me ed

eddie: no

vicky z: HE JUST THREW ED-

jonathan: oh my god

daddy: ED R U OK

eddie: YEAH IM GONNA BEAT TF OUTTA JEROME NOW

jerry v: COME AT ME 

daddy: this is going so badly 

vicky z: why did i agree to this

firefly: alvarez looks so confused oml 

MIAH: we just ruined his weekend lmao 

jonathan: JEROME STOP BITING ED AND LETS GO

MIAH: kinky 

jerry v: FINE 

eddie: ew ur gross 

jerry v: ur gross 

eddie: no u 

jerry v: no u 

daddy: shut up both of u 

jerry v: yes sir ;)) 

vicky z: i will kill all of u

jonathan: i love how bridgits just apologizing like we accidentally bumped into him not like we started a fight in his backyard

eddie: AND JEROME BIT ME

daddy: does jerome have rabies jeremiah 

MIAH: idk anymore 

eddie: oh fuck im going to die

eddie: jerome gave me rabies

eddie: this is the end 

vicky z: oh shut up u crybaby 

eddie: YOU DONT KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO DIE

vicky z: i do im friends w jerome

eddie: true facts there 

_eddie changed a nickname!_

rabies boy: i will end ur life eddie 

eddie: u already have u bit me i have rabies and im gonna die

MIAH: well then

_MIAH changed a nickname!_

ghost boy: um chile anyway 

vicky z: o no ive lost my matching name buddy 

ghost boy: he has rabies u dont want him 

rabies boy: :(( 

ghost boy: i can see the light

daddy: its ur lamp ed get off the floor

vicky z: vicTOR what r u doing in eds ROOM 

firefly: ohhhh theyre fuckinggg

daddy: we are not

penguin: ew 

poison ivy: dont b jealous pengy 

penguin: do not 

jonathan: see how it feels ed

ghost boy: well then turn off the lAMP viCTOR

daddy: fine 

rabies boy: rawr 

vicky z: stop immediately

firefly: ANYWAY 

jonathan: well were going to jail 

vicky z: whos this fuckin we sir u didnt do shit 

jonathan: i tried to stop eddie from tackling jerome

vicky z: okay facts

MIAH: jonathan ur literally a block away u ran 

jonathan: bc i dont want to be ARRESTED jereMIAH 

ghost boy: good luck out there 

rabies boy: he just went back inside lol 

vicky z: UR STILL THERE??? 

daddy: jerome go somewhere else 

poison ivy: i think u broke him 

vicky z: well this was an awful idea and i hate u all 

rabies boy: always happy to help 


	9. weave snatchers anonymous

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> haha its still a mess have fun 
> 
> btw FOR THAT ONE PERSON WHO COMMENTED ABOUT BRUCE I DONT REMEMBER WHO BUT LOL HERE U GO ITS A SHITSHOW

rabies boy: NEW KID ALERT NEW KID ALERT 

ghost boy: oh boy 

daddy: jerome ed no 

MIAH: its bruce wayne lmao 

vicky z: oh ur man jeremiah?? 

MIAH: how about u leave me a lone 

_vicky z changed a nickname!_

a lone: i hate u 

rabies boy: it IS bruce wayne 

firefly: tf is he here for isnt he rich asf

poison ivy: facts 

penguin: hes an irritating little shit 

penguin: i have him in homeroom 

a lone: what happened 

jonathan: whatd u do 

penguin: NOTHING

penguin LITERALLY nothing hes just sitting there

_penguin sent a photo to the chat!_

ghost boy: wow he rlly is doing nothing 

firefly: hands folded and everything wh0a

rabies boy: isnt it hot miah 

a lone: im gonna be under ur bed watch urself 

rabies boy: wow kinky 

vicky z: EW no can we stay on track pls 

jonathan: so guys i want u to meet my boyf 

rabies boy: OH??? 

vicky z: YES JONNY GET IT 

jonathan: i hate all of u anyway 

_jonathan invited jervis to the chat!_

jervis: hi jonathan :) 

jonathan: hi bb <3

jervis: <3

ghost boy: u rlly are a constant reminder of how single i am huh 

firefly: WELL IF U WOULD JUST DO THE DO WITH OZZIE U WOULD BE FINE 

firefly: AND NOT LONELY

vicky z: come on i have 10 dollars riding on this ed 

jervis: um 

rabies boy: jERVIS

jervis: yes its me

rabies boy: IM JEROME 

jervis: JEROME

rabies boy: JERVIS

jervis: why r u rabies boy

rabies boy: long story read back

poison ivy: oh hey jervis 

jervis: ivy whats up

daddy: are we doing a roll call or r we good 

jervis: daddy?

penguin: victor f

vicky z: *I* am victor z 

jervis: bald egirl huh 

vicky z: hey HEY when jerome said read back he didnt mean that far 

rabies boy: its part of our sTORY viCTOR

vicky z: i rlly dont want it to be tho 

jonathan: can we calm pls 

a lone: im back from arguing w my english teacher whatd i miss

daddy: damn who is it

a lone: ms essen shes kind of a cocknose 

_vicky z changed a nickname!_

ghost boy: well damn vic 

cocknose: i will end lives 

rabies boy: u know how we could make this episode of group chat more exciting

cocknose: duct tape over ur mouth to shut u up forever yes

poison ivy: seconded

firefly: ivy no 

rabies boy: NO but the next best thing 

_rabies boy invited bruce to the chat!_

cocknose: JEROME I WILL KILL U

vicky z: oh my god this is a disaster 

firefly: he should not be here

poison ivy: omg

bruce: hello? 

ghost boy: HES SO PURE??? 

bruce: who are you guys

daddy: im deeply sorry for what ur about to witness

rabies boy: gay freakout of the century 

cocknose: SHUT UP 

penguin: why would u do this jerome 

jonathan: um chile anyway

rabies boy: who said anything about chile 

jervis: jerome u dumb fuckeroo 

bruce: wait wait jerome like jerome valeska like the guy who broke out of detention last week

bruce: bc everyones talking abt it

rabies boy: that would be me 

rabies boy: this is my gay brother jeremiah 

cocknose: i hate you 

ghost boy: im ed

penguin: oswald 

daddy: victor f

vicky z: victor z

firefly: bridgit 

poison ivy: ivy

jonathan: name says it all 

jervis: jervis 

ghost boy: is that everyone 

vicky z: i think so

_cocknose changed a nickname!_

miah: finally

miah: back to the way things should be

ghost boy: oh fuck zsasz duck 

vicky z: ducking 

bruce: is that a pencil??

bruce: multiple sharpened pencils??

bruce: tied together?? 

vicky z: you bet dollface 

jonathan: ppl dont like victor lol 

vicky z: im too fashionable for these bitches 

rabies boy: i stg if one more fucking person calls me papa smurf 

ghost boy: JEROME OHMYGOD

firefly: HIS HAIR IS BRIGHT BLUE WHAT DID U DO JEROME 

miah: ha papa smurf 

_miah changed a nickname!_

papa smurf: so i suppose this is payback 

miah: ur goddamn right

vicky z: i swear this bitch whispers abt me one more time i will jump her

daddy: victor no- 

vicky z: SHE FUCKING DID IT IM GOING AFTER HER 

ghost boy: VICTOR SIT DOWN

daddy: OH MY GOD WHAT ARE YOU DOING

firefly: this is escalating very quickly

ghost boy: bruce when i tell u to duck just do it ok trust me on this one

bruce: ok

miah: HES CLIMBING OVER HER DESK AND YANKING OUT HER WEAVE 

vicky z: CHEAP 

vicky z: ASS

vicky z: DOLLAR STORE 

vicky z: EXTENSIONS 

poison ivy: SIT DOWN

vicky z: NO

papa smurf: IM COMING TO HELP 

miah: JEROME NO

ghost boy: BRUCE DUCK

daddy: wtf was THAT 

jonathan: jeRVIS 

jervis: I PANICKED OK

jonathan: HE THREW HIS WATCH AT THE GIRL VICTORS BEATING THE SHIT OUT OF AND ITS CAUGHT IN HER WEAVE 

jervis: bitch better gimme my watch i wont have it tainted by her greasy hair 

papa smurf: HAHA 

miah: u r such a dumb slut jerome sit down 

papa smurf: no

ghost boy: is that a victory dance??

penguin: this is going so badly where tf is the teacher 

vicky z: SERVES U RIGHT HOE DONT TALK TO ME ABOUT ME OR AROUND ME 

penguin: shes saying shes gonna snatch victors weave how tf she gonna snatch it lmao u aint got one

vicky z: u would be surprised 

_papa smurf renamed the chat **weave snatchers anonymous**! _

daddy: exactly what we need in this trying time thank u jerome

papa smurf: always a pleasure 


	10. a complete disregard for human life

miah: well bruce brought a fucking bat to school

papa smurf: WHEHER

vicky z: A BAT

bruce: what hes cute

jonathan: i weep for ur future 

papa smurf: shit he doesnt need a future hes bruce fucking wayne

ghost boy: ah yes bruce "u dont need a future" wayne

bruce: this is exactly what i wasnt going for thank u

poison ivy: w0w 

papa smurf: hella salty there brucie boi 

firefly: i want bat pics bruce

firefly: send bat pics

_bruce sent a photo to the chat!_

papa smurf: i love him

papa smurf: him? her? them? 

vicky z: we stan an inclusive king 

papa smurf: yes 

bruce: its a she 

poison ivy: good 

jervis: have u named her? 

bruce: i was thinking talia 

miah: cute 

papa smurf: careful miah ur gay is showing

miah: careful jerome ur stupid is showing

miah: also its a bat. a female bat. so its not gay

jonathan: mhm ok jeremiah u keep telling urself that

daddy: bruce brought a bat to school??

daddy: where did u even get a bat? 

bruce: my house 

ghost boy: there are bats?? in ur house?? 

penguin: it sounds just awful 

vicky z: hey yall im skipping i wanna see bruces bat

bruce: im in english 

papa smurf: aye cool well be there 

vicky z: we just gotta break out of algebra first

poison ivy: they just walked out lmao 

papa smurf: WE WALKED OUT 

vicky z: AND SAW

papa smurf: EDDIE AND DADDY VIC PLAYING TONSIL HOCKEY 

ghost boy: SHUT UP JEROME

daddy: ;p 

ghost boy: :o 

bruce: are you guys together? 

ghost boy: um

daddy: well 

ghost boy: sorta? 

daddy: were figuring that out 

papa smurf: with a complete disregard for human life apparently 

vicky z: daddy vics tongue down eds throat was not something i was prepared to see this early

vicky z: anyway bruce wheres ur bat 

bruce: i put her in my locker

firefly: what

jonathan: she'll fucking die in there 

bruce: no my locker has vents

bruce: and its dark which is perfect for a bat 

papa smurf: whats ur combo chief 

bruce: 48 19 4 

vicky z: OH SHIT ITS A REAL BAT

papa smurf: SHE FLEW OUT

papa smurf: UP UP AND AWAY

miah: you fucking disasters 

bruce: oh my god 

poison ivy: I GOT THIS 

firefly: IVY NO 

poison ivy: i jumped and caught her dont worry 

papa smurf: crisis averted 

vicky z: put her back put her back 

jervis: well this is eventful 

jonathan: you aint seen nothing yet just wait 

penguin: if this bitch doesnt step off me

ghost boy: who 

penguin: this girl i- 

papa smurf: yo yo yo is ozzie getting game 

daddy: no can u read 

papa smurf: WOW THE WHOLE CHATS SALTY TODAY 

papa smurf: I SEE HOW IT IS 

ghost boy: that is exactly how it isnt 

papa smurf: r00d 

penguin: okay well this girl was tryna touch my hair 

penguin: so i hit her with my binder and ran 

daddy: smh 

firefly: u did well soldier 

poison ivy: facts 

miah: who the FUCK is singing mr brightside by the killers down the hallway really loudly 

papa smurf: me 

vicky z: and me 

papa smurf: COMING OUT OF MY CAGE

vicky z: AND IVE BEEN DOING JUST FINE 

poison ivy: GOTTA GOTTA BE DOWN

papa smurf: BECAUSE I WANT IT ALL 

vicky z: IT STARTED OUT WITH A KISS HOW DID IT END UP LIKE THIS 

papa smurf: IT WAS ONLY A KISS 

firefly: IT WAS ONLY A KISS

bruce: oh my god bridgit and ivy just joined them in the hallway

vicky z: THE MORE THE MERRIER BITCH 

papa smurf: OH THIS SONG IS A BOP 

jervis: brb 

miah: OH MY GOD

miah: JONATHAN UR BOYFRIEND JUST RIGGED THE LOUDSPEAKERS TO START PLAYING IT 

ghost boy: this is the shit

daddy: there are always worse songs to play 

miah: tonight tonight by hot chelle rae being absolutely one of them 


	11. im going to mcfucking assassinate u

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> happy new year you fucks

miah: victor pls get out of the oven

vicky z: no 

poison ivy: this has gone downhill incredibly quickly 

vicky z: iIM CRYUINS 

papa smurf: crayons? 

ghost boy: ASKJAKSJA 

papa smurf: that was very gay of u eddie 

papa smurf: very bottom-like 

ghost boy: jokes on u jerome i AM a bottom 

bruce: i leave for five seconds and this is what i come back to 

bruce: wtf is even happening 

firefly: new years party 

bruce: ah 

firefly: yeah i regret every decision ive ever made 

miah: victor get out of the oven 

vicky z: NO 

vicky z: M YHEAT IS NBROKEN 

papa smurf: your heating is broken? 

vicky z: im going to mcfucking assassinate you 

poison ivy: somebody pls get oswald and jervis oFF the ROOF 

jonathan: jErvIS? 

poison ivy: yes ur boyfriend is trying to sell oswald hallucinatory drugs 

poison ivy: and its working bc theyre both trashed 

poison ivy: they will fall off the roof and die

miah: HEY HEY HEY ONE CRISIS AT A TIME PLEASE

bruce: wait why is your heart broken vic 

miah: why do u think 

firefly: alvarez

jonathan: alvarez

papa smurf: alvarez 

bruce: yeah but wh y 

vicky z: HES A TEAHCEBR 

vicky z: ATEACHER HWOWILL NEVERV LOE ME BACKCc 

firefly: english pls i dont speak spaghetti 

daddy: "he's a teacher a teacher who will never love me back" 

vicky z: yESD ADDY 

daddy: pls no 

miah: oh so the usual heartbreak ok 

poison ivy: JONATHAN ARE YOU SOBER

jonathan: NO 

penguin: THERE ARE PURPLE CATS ON THE CEILING? ?? 

jervis: youre seeing the light ozzie my friend 

firefly: he WILL be seeing the light in about five seconds when yall overdose and DIE 

papa smurf: yo yo yo i can die?? 

miah: jerome no

papa smurf: jerome YES 

papa smurf: jervis get over here 

ghost boy: yes jervis pls 

daddy: ed no 

ghost boy: ed yes

vicky z: wHYA M I ALIVEZ?/

jonathan: alivez 

vicky z: fuck off jonathan 

miah: wow the first sentence that uve spelled every word right in since u got here

vicky z: letm e be ililigerage in pece 

papa smurf: ililigarage 

vicky z: no its ililigrawrae get it right jerome 

bruce: well this is delightful 

daddy: okay thats it wrap it up degenerates were going home 

vicky z: rIDE on TOp of CAr? 

daddy: no 

miah: hes crying great job fries 

bruce: wait jerome how are you still literate 

papa smurf: text to speech 

bruce: ah 

poison ivy: oswald get in the car 

penguin: purple cats 

jervis: i may need a hospital 

firefly: JONATHAN 

jonathan: JERVIS WHAT DID U DO 

jervis: snifffffffff 

firefly: you dumb shit get in the car

daddy: ohhhhhhhkay so emergency room pit stop

ghost boy: this is not romantic 

daddy: its a new years eve party with our stupid friends did you think it was gonna be romantic 

ghost boy: KIND OF YEAH 

ghost boy: WE WERE GONNA DRINK AND SIT ON THE ROOF AND MAKE OUT VICTOR 

daddy: we can still do that

daddy: after we make sure jervis hasnt overdosed 

ghost boy: >:( 

daddy: we can even buy m&ms 

ghost boy :) 

penguin: okay okay i cant tell if im hallucinating anymore but jervis just dropped so can we go 

jonathan: OH SHIT STEP ON IT DADDY VICTOR 

miah: i got vic out of the oven we're coming 

firefly: is it really a good idea to bring victor z to the hospital with us

firefly: or any of u since daddy vic and me and maybe jonathan are the only sober ones

papa smurf: ur no fun bridgit 

poison ivy: hEY im sober!! 

bruce: no youre not

poison ivy: :0 

bruce: sorry ivy 

firefly: step on it faster daddy vic

daddy: im not about to get pulled over 

jonathan: MY bOYFRIEND IS DYING

jonathan: YOU CAN RUN A RED LIGHT 

daddy: ALRIGHT FINE WHEN I GET A SPEEDING TICKET YOURE PAYING 

firefly: SHUT UP WERE HERE EVERYONE OUT

bruce: except oswald and vic ofc yall are in no place to be in public rn 

firefly: facts 

vicky z: iM CMNG FOR MORA L SUPORT 

daddy: stay in the car victor 

papa smurf: no no no he can come in ill make sure he doesnt say anything crazy 

miah: no 

vicky z: u cant make me stay in this metal priosn 

poison ivy: priosn 

vicky z: i heta it here 

daddy: so do we

ghost boy: oh shit jervis is hEAVY 

jonathan: well maybe if u put the PHONE DOWN 

ghost boy: nO 

firefly: alright boys and girls go inside 

jonathan: this is going to end so badly 

daddy: doesnt it always 

penguin: life is pain 

vicky z: yes 

jonathan: jerome if u dont stfu 

miah: JEROME I KAHSAKJASKAKJ

papa smurf: WHAT I JUST MADE SURE WE COULD ALL WAIT FOR JERVIS 

miah: you TOLD THE RECEPTIONIST THAT WERE JERVIS'S FUCKBUDDIES THEREFORE WE SHOULD GET IN

papa smurf: IT WAS A WHITE LIE AND WE SHOULD GET TO GO IN 

jonathan: SHE ARCHED HER EYEBROW AND SAID "ALL OF YOU?" 

bruce: i am not jervis' fuckbuddy maam 

ghost boy: oh shit "then you cant come in" 

penguin: just say youre his fuckbuddy come on 

daddy: victor stop licking your lips 

vicky z: no it has to be beliaevalbe 

firefly: oh the hangover youre gonna have tomorrow 


End file.
